You are not alone: Alesia’s call to keep the suicide prevention conversation going

“I wake up every day feeling like it’s still a bad dream,” says Alesia.

After losing her husband to suicide in 2024, Alesia, a concierge at Excellus BlueCross BlueShield’s Johnson City Resource Center, is sharing her journey through grief, healing, and hope.

While September is recognized as Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, the impact of suicide is something Alesia feels every day.

“The moment that sticks with me most is the shame I felt for not recognizing the pain he was in,” she says. “It changed everything.”

Finding strength in the aftermath

In the early days after her husband’s death, therapy became a lifeline. Over time, her faith offered comfort, and her two closest friends reminded her of the resilient woman she had always been. Her children also became pillars of support.

“I don’t know what I would do without them,” she says. “They rallied around me when I needed it most.”

Amy Houghton, director of safety net and integrated clinical management at Excellus BCBS, emphasizes the importance of therapy for those grieving a suicide loss.

Therapy provides a safe space for survivors to express grief, guilt, anger, and confusion. These emotions are often intensified after a suicide loss,” Houghton says. “Suicide bereavement therapy helps survivors confront the stigma and trauma associated with suicide and can reduce symptoms of PTSD, depression, and prolonged grief. Group therapy and peer support also offer connection and validation, helping survivors feel less isolated and more understood.

Breaking the silence

One of the most difficult parts of Alesia’s journey has been confronting the stigma surrounding suicide.

“People say things that are meant to be comforting, but they can be so hurtful,” she says. “It makes you feel even more isolated.”

She believes that changing how we talk about suicide is critical to saving lives. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States, claiming more than 49,000 lives in 2023. That is one every 11 minutes, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Stigma remains a major barrier to help-seeking, often leaving survivors and those struggling with suicidal thoughts feeling ashamed or unsupported.

“If I could change one thing, it would be the way people avoid the topic,” Alesia says. “We need to talk about it openly, without judgment.”

How to support someone grieving a suicide loss

Here are a few ways to offer support with compassion and respect:

• Show up, even if you are unsure what to say
• Avoid clichés or minimizing language
• Listen without judgment
• Offer practical help
• Keep checking in

Grief does not follow a timeline. Continue to reach out in the weeks and months that follow, even with a simple message or coffee invite.

Why this matters to Excellus BlueCross BlueShield

At Excellus BCBS, we believe mental and behavioral health is just as important as physical health. Alesia’s story is a powerful reminder of the need to support mental wellbeing—not only for our members, but also for our colleagues, families, and communities.

Our mission is to help people in our communities live healthier, more secure lives. That includes investing in local partnerships to expand access to behavioral health services, supporting crisis intervention programs, and making sure those in need feel seen, supported, and never alone.

Through our community investments, we are working to reduce stigma, improve access to care, and support organizations that provide mental health education and suicide prevention resources across upstate New York.

Healing is not linear

Alesia continues to find strength through faith, friendship, and reflection.

“It’s not about getting over it,” she says. “It’s about learning to live with it and finding moments of peace.”

She has learned that strength does not mean never breaking—it means continuing to care for yourself, even when it is hard.

“I’ve learned to be gentle with myself. To ask for help. To keep going.”

To anyone feeling hopeless, Alesia offers this message:

“You are not alone. Please talk to someone. There is help, and there are people who care. I wish my husband had reached out. I wish he knew how loved he was.”

Resources that save lives

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for free, confidential support 24/7
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• Employee Assistance Program (EAP): Access counseling and support services through your employer’s EAP program

Contact:
Melissa Klinko Melissa.Klinko@Excellus.com